


Different

by druswriting



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Mildly Dubious Consent, Sort Of, also sort of, season 5 is canon except for what doesn't serve this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:47:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24560305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/druswriting/pseuds/druswriting
Summary: Lena goes to sleep with no loved ones, having to start over her life. She wakes up as Kara Danvers\Supergirl's wife.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Past Lena Luthor/Andrea Rojas
Comments: 31
Kudos: 326





	Different

**Author's Note:**

> Black Lives Matter. It feel weird to post and read fics at a time like this, but I must, I'm using it to help others. Hope you enjoy the fic!
> 
> [Bail funds for protesters.](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Peqd9TCmmqxty8Cco6DKsKX8D5tj9Vb9kREozbYJVXc/mobilebasic)  
> [Youtube playlist through which you can donate passively. Don't skip the ads!!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCgLa25fDHM&list=PLtooIklzheqzORPbQBiEZKsw2T4s6SUxv)  
> [Petitions, donations, phone numbers and emails to contact, etc.](https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/)

Lena had a long day. When you are moving cities and changing companies, a long day is guaranteed. Especially when every time you would touch a part of the past you packed up, you would think of a loved one, who was no longer with you. 

The Lafite Lena always drank, reminded her of Andrea and how her betrayal stung so much she had to break up with her. The awards Lena got for trying to cure cancer had reminded Lena that Jack cut ties with her because she was “running away” from Metropolis. The beloved worn out chess board reminded her of her brother, and the times she looked the other way as Lex turned mad, because she wanted a family so badly she was willing to be blind. All the Luthor-Corp calls Lena made throughout the day reminded her that when Lionel died, he wanted Lena to be his successor, and how his wishes were finally coming true. The city view outside her window, filled her with pain every time, without fail, because it reminded Lena that Sam was out there living in the suburbs, and how they fell out of touch years ago, so she couldn’t call. And the teddy bear Lena hugged close and let a single tear fall… it reminded her that the one person to truly love her had passed away, only an echo of a memory in her mind. 

After the emotional and physical exhaustion of moving, all Lena wanted to do was curl up in bed, and sleep it off. After all, the next day, she was starting her life fresh. She should sleep well and wake up a new person, a person free of heartbreaks and with a career talked about worldwide. 

But Lena couldn’t help but think about her old self. About the way her old self had Andrea to kiss sweetly in the morning, Sam to laugh with while they had late nights in the office, a friend like Jack to to experiment with, and her brother to worry over but still have as a family that made her feel happy. She couldn’t help but think about how she lost it all so quickly. How even if they were her origin story for something greater, they were just people who broke her heart now. 

Now she knew the only way for people to not leave her is dying before they could. And she intended to live by that lesson. 

But still… she hoped that if her new version ever chose to trust someone again… that it’d be someone who would never betray her. 

She closed her eyes.

~~~

In the morning, blinding lights disturbed Lena’s sleep, forcing her to open her eyes. The first thought that came to her was that she was well-rested, getting a good eight-hour sleep. She smiled at that and stretched, enjoying the soft covers and the warm blanket. After a brief moment of enjoying being the most comfortable she ever was lately, she sighed, remembering where she was and got up from the bed. She had things to do. Wobbling, head spinning from standing up too fast, Lena crossed the bedroom and walked into the kitchen; only then, her vision restored and she noticed the room she walked into wasn’t a kitchen at all. It wasn’t any part of the hotel room, in fact. She walked into a hall, with several doors in front of her. Lena frowned. Could she have stumbled outside of the room by accident? She tried to go back to the room where she came from. It was the bedroom she woke up in, but not the same one she fell asleep in. This room had colorful sheets and curtains and blue painted walls filled with books and pictures she didn’t recognize. Lena was startled, starting to realize something was terribly wrong. She ran back outside to the hall, ran down the hall, until she reached what she thought would be stairs, but was actually the kitchen and living room. She began to think she was kidnapped before she realized the real problem; She misremembered her hotel room. She chuckled at how startled she’d been. She just moved here, after all! And it made sense since the view was still of National City. Lena was about to sigh in relief, but then a cheery voice behind her said, “Hey, you woke up!”

Lena turned around, in shock, to find a blonde woman with coffee and donuts smiling warmly at her. Then the woman said, probably in response to Lena’s expression, “I know, I know, you told me to wake you up if I woke up before you. But there was a too early cry for help - so I didn’t wake you. And when I got back you looked so peaceful and cute - so I didn’t wake you. But I brought donuts as a peace offering! And I am willing to share them, too.” 

Lena had no idea what the woman was talking about. She didn’t tell her to wake her up or watch her sleep or give her donuts, which she didn’t even eat. “What are you talking about...?” Lena backed away slowly from the woman. 

The woman cocked her head to the side, “don’t you remember…? Yesterday, when we were about to go to sleep, you told me to wake you up because you wanted to do things on your day off, even though I told you that wasn’t the point of a day off. But that is the fate of having a workaholic wife.” The woman looked at her in concern, “Lena, are you okay? You’re starting to become really pale.” 

Lena’s head was spinning again. She had a wife? This woman was her wife? This was their home? She took days off? God, what was happening? Last night when she went to sleep she had no one. Now there’s someone to tell her she looks pale. 

Wait. No. This couldn’t be it. No, no, she was getting kidnapped by someone who hated Lex. Or someone who worked for Lex. That was the only thing that made sense. Yes, that was it, and this woman was trying to trick her!

Lena grabbed the near spatula on the kitchen counter. “Stay back!” Lena screamed, “stay back or I’m calling the police!” 

The woman seemed to look more worried than worried. “Lena-” 

“Stay back, or I’ll call Supergirl!” Lena threatened, sure that was much scarier. 

The blonde stared at her, in shock, before she chuckled, “Lena, will this joke ever get old?” 

What? What joke? 

The woman took off her glasses and Lena’s breath was taken out of her throat, as she realized who was standing in front of her. 

Supergirl. 

It made sense that Supergirl will want to kidnap her, didn’t it? Lex did hurt her cousin. But since when would a Super restore to kidnapping? A Super she hoped to impress?

“Alright, I get it, I’ll leave the glasses for work if that’s what you want. I’ll be Kara Zor-El with you, Kara Danvers with the world,” the woman wiped her glasses. 

Was this some kind of tactic? Telling her who she was?

“Let me go,” Lena pleaded, begging the only resort she could think of, “I did nothing wrong. My brother did it. Please, let me go.” 

Then the smile on Supergirl’s face was finally wiped clean, her body language becoming comforting, “I know that. Lena, of course I know that. Did something happen when I was gone? Did he call you? Because if he did, I’ll kick his butt.” 

Lena doesn’t know what to make of this situation. Why was her kidnapper trying to protect her? Was she trying to give her Stockholm Syndrome or something? “I’m going,” Lena tried experimenting, her voice cold. 

Kara’s face fell, disappointed. “Oh, okay. You can tell me what happens when you want to. I’ll call for your driver. Just,” Supergirl grabbed her arm, and Lena panicked, her heart starting to hammer in her chest, “promise me you’re okay?” 

“Yes,” Lena said if only to get Supergirl’s hands off her. 

As soon as Supergirl let her run away, she did it.

~~~

When she got to run downstairs, there was a car waiting for her as Supergirl promised but Lena didn’t get into it. She ran and ran and ran until she felt safe enough to call for a cab. 

“To Luthor-Corp,” Lena said to the cab driver. 

The cab driver gave her a funny look but drove anyway. Lena didn’t mind the look, having gotten her share of stares in her life. 

She opened the phone she luckily grabbed instead of glaring back, starting to calm down and wanting information. She opened Google and searched for “Supergirl…” but before she could finish her sentence, the Google Autocomplete already filled it for her “Supergirl and Lena Luthor.” 

Lena clicked it. 

The first article to jump up was an article stating “Lena Luthor announces polyamorous relationship with Kara Danvers and Supergirl.” Alarmed, Lena clicked on the article, reading it. 

“Kara is my primary and Supergirl is my secondary, but I love them both just the same,” the quote said, “they’re both fine with it, they love making me happy.” 

Lena scowled, wanting to see which conspiracy theory, fake news site this was. But as she scrolled up, she caught sight of the date that read, “18.12.2022”. 

Lena’s jaw fell. How is this possible?

When she went to bed it was 2016.

The cab stopped. Maybe it stopped a long time ago, and Lena’s shock made her blackout until she realized the cab stopped. Either way, the cab driver said, mockingly, “here we are, at Luthor-Corp.”

The building's logo proudly announced “L-Corp”. 

~~~

“Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.” That was Lex’s favorite quote as a teenager, and as Lena grew up, it became the model by which she lived. In this situation, it worked out accurately; the improbable conclusion Lena had reached is that she somehow traveled to the future where her wife is Supergirl (and Supergirl was a reporter named Kara Danvers) and L-Corp is the most successful company in the world. Lena didn’t know if to cry or to smile. She didn’t know if she wanted her old life back or to live in this future. But she especially didn’t know how this happened. And she needed to know. Because time travel, that was one big discovery. 

Her first step, she decided was to go back… home to her... wife. She figured that if she was in the future, she might at least be as little trouble as she can be. 

“Hey,” Lena said, as she walked into their apartment. 

“Hey,” Supergirl rose from the table she was working on and rushed towards Lena, “are you okay? You seemed to be really unwell in the morning and I was really worried about you.”

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Lena said, trying to sink into Supergirl’s hug, “I had a nightmare, and I guess I kind of confused reality with the dream. But I’m fine now, though.” This was the best excuse for her behavior she could think of. 

“Oh,” Kara said, frowning, “want to talk about it?” 

“No, it’s okay. Let's just enjoy the little time of our day off, alright?” Lena suggested. 

Kara beamed at that, “alright.”

~~~

Lena felt like she was swinging on an emotional swing.

One minute Lena was high; working in her office in L-Corp, running one of the most successful companies worldwide, and she could do it without one mention of her brother. Right now she was working on a time travel machine \ portal to a different universe, and no one dared to tell her it was impossible, even though people had always doubted her before. She got Emails thanking her for donating to charities, or actively helping in some cases. She was thanked for things she didn’t even remember doing. She felt a warm and fuzzy feeling in her chest when she knew she was a good person. As pride flowed through her, she was happy to know she had a legacy, and she did it on all her own. And before… Before she came here, when she’d walked down the street, the people who would recognize her would shove her as they brushed shoulders, glare at her, stop to threaten her, call her an asshole, or tell her how her brother ruined their lives… but now, people stopped, but when they stopped they asked for a picture or an autograph. She got squeals, hugs, and handshakes from fans, adults to children. She inspired so many people, she’d kept thinking. She wanted to stay this good.

Those moments she was high on pride, happiness, and satisfaction. She was doing something right, she knew. And that was all she ever wanted to know. 

But then one of her fans mentions how they “couldn’t miss a chance for a picture with Supergirl’s girlfriend!” and she’d be falling down the swing, craving for the high to be back. 

Down on the swing, is where she realized she’s married to Supergirl. Lena was half partial to going back to the alternate universe theory, just because she couldn’t imagine a single universe where she’d want to be with the woman. 

With Andrea it was soft kisses before work, it was getting covered with blankets when you fall asleep on your desk, it was laughing at a mutual joke or a friend as you hold hands, it was having each other’s back when you have a tough day and it was looking into her eyes and knowing she knows everything you want her to, and she knows everything she wants you to. It was subtle in public and overwhelmingly passionate in private. It was having comfort no matter what and respecting boundaries no matter when. It was about reality, not “ideal” as portrayed by society, but still with a taste of too good to be true. It was being with one of your best friends.

With Kara it’s… it wasn’t that. They’re still best friends by what she was told, but it didn’t feel like it. With Kara it’s listening to her talk with her perfect adoptive family in the other room, being carried to bed when she falls asleep, looking on in horror as Kara swallows down food, having Kara smile and nod as she is talking about her projects, picking up a newspaper with an article Kara wrote and frowning at how she criticizes billionaires as if she’s not married to one (most of the time she’s right and Lena would hate them too, but Lena can’t help but think of what her wife must think of her), tripping over the mess Kara leaves all over the apartment, wincing at the notes Kara wrote her and having Kara looking at her like she’s the sun she’s powered by, and Lena looking away because she doesn’t understand. 

It didn’t feel like having a best friend. Kara might be just as smart (Lena would never try to claim differently for the Pulitzer winning reporter) as Andrea but their minds worked differently, clashing together. Lena didn’t feel comfortable with Kara as she did with Andrea, because for Andrea she was an equal and for Kara… she’s a trophy wife. Maybe not in public where her wife is just Kara Danvers, and she’s the great Lena Luthor, but in their home… when she’s Kara Zor-El… the woman who has been through so much but is better than her so easily… Lena could never compare to her. In general, it’s clear that Lena isn’t meant to be herself when she’s with Kara. No, she’s meant to be a different version of herself.

This version would only disappoint (disappointing who isn’t the question, it’s who she’s not disappointing that fell under a question mark). 

Lena didn’t want to feel this way. So she avoided Kara, spending more time at the office, trying to find a damn time machine or portal to another universe. She searched all of future\alternate Lena’s projects on her computer, searched twice in her lab, scanned her entire office for blueprints. 

But to no avail. 

Lena couldn’t make sense of that. There had to be something she made. Or something someone else made and she walked into. 

She sighed. Hoping she wouldn’t sound crazy, she decided to ask her assistant, Jess, if she had any meeting regarding time or dimension travel. 

“Hey, Jess,” Lena started nervously. 

“Miss Luthor?” Jess asked, seeming surprised by Lena approaching her, “you have no more meetings for today.” 

“Oh, uh, thank you,” Lena said, trying to play it cool, “that’s not just what I wanted to know. Do you remember if that meeting about a time machine or a portal to other dimensions happened already?” 

Jess gave her the look she was scared of but looked at the computer to check. “Um… there were never any meetings.” 

“Oh,” Lena was starting to get desperate.

“Do you want me to schedule one?” Jess suggested, “I heard Ron Mallet is working on time travel.” 

“Did I ever meet with him before?” Lena asked hopefully.

Jess frowned, checking again, “no, sorry. Not since you started working in National City.” 

Lena sighed, “well, thank you anyway, Jess. And since I have no more meetings scheduled for today, you can go home.” 

Jess smiled, “thank you, Miss Luthor! What about you? Are you going home?” 

Lena wished she could groan. The answer would be a definite no. But her loyal employee put her in the awkward position to say it and make her concerned. “I think I’ll stay for a while,” Lena tried to say as politely as possible. 

Jess looked concerned, at Lena’s dismay, “oh, that’s too bad...” 

Lena raised an eyebrow, “how so?” 

Nervously, Jess said, “well, your wife called… she sounded concerned. She made me promise I’ll make sure you come home.” 

Lena resisted the urge to roll her eyes. It was just like Supergirl, to test boundaries like that. “It’s sweet of you to be concerned,” Lena said honestly, “but I think my wife can wait.” 

Jess laughed, “we both know that’s not true.” 

“Then she’ll learn to,” Lena snapped. 

Jess stopped smiling. 

Lena grimaced, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell… I think-I think you should just go home, Jess.” 

“I’m sorry if I crossed a line,” Jess said slowly, and carefully continued, “but… you haven’t been acting like yourself lately, Miss Luthor. Maybe some rest and a day off would do you good.” 

Jess left after collecting her things. 

~~~

Lena went home if only to keep up appearances. It seemed that her secretary and her wife were sensing something was wrong, and the pit that formed in Lena’s stomach at the thought, made her realize that could be bad (all those damn Sci-fi movies made her doubt herself). So she went home if only to make it seem like everything was alright. She could work from home anyway.

At the click of the door opening, Lena could see Kara raising excitedly from the sofa.

“Lena!” she said, almost surprised.

“The one and only,” Lena reapplied dryly. 

Kara chuckled, “I missed you today.” Kara leaned down to peck Lena’s lips. 

The thing was, Lena was not not attracted to Kara. She thought Kara was beautiful. It was impossible not to. But she didn’t feel anything beyond that for her. And she never thought she’d marry someone only for their looks (Maybe someone would marry her only for her looks, though). 

Lena kissed back and then forced out, “me too.” 

Kara bit her lip nervously. Lena hated how often Kara was nervous. Andrea was the other way around. She was unbashful and unapologetic. She taught Lena how to stand up for herself. But Kara was often nervous. “I called your office today. I talked to Jess. Did she tell you? I told her to bring you home because I ordered your favorite,” Kara gestured to a Big Belly Burger takeaway bag, “I even set the table because I know that’s how you like it.” 

Lena didn’t hate the food, she liked it a bit. But she wasn’t in the mood to watch Kara enjoy her food, as she thought of all the carbs. “Thank you, Kara, but I think I’d rather just work for a while.” 

“Oh,” Kara’s face fell and Lena’s stomach twisted. Disappointing Kara was hard. “Yeah, that’s okay. You are doing that time travel thing, right?” 

“I’m shifting more towards theories on alternative universes now,” Lena felt free to say because Kara would never understand what she was so salty about. 

Kara frowned, “like how they blended? That’s supposed to be a secret, Lena…” 

Lena whipped around towards her. “What did you just say?” 

“You know, you remember how all earths became the one and only earth? And only the Paragons and their friends remember what happened before the universes blended?” 

Lena had no idea what Kara was talking about. But she was focusing on one important thing; the universes blended with each other. That meant that she could be from another universe and because of the blending she ended up in this universe. “Yeah, no, I remember,” Lena fibbed as she tried to think of what to do with this information, “I was trying to find out if there's anything we can do to reverse the combining of the universe?” 

Kara considered for a second, although she seemed weirded out by the suggestion. “I don’t think so…” Kara started, “maybe if all the paragons used the Book of Destiny. It’s how it happened in the first place, after all. But the book was thankfully destroyed so…” Kara shrugged. 

Lena shut her eyes, too devastated by the idea that she was stuck in a universe she didn’t belong in, to consider the ridiculousness of what Kara just said. “Oh…” 

“But if anyone can do something like that it’s you!” Kara quickly added, seeing Lena was saddened by Kara’s explanation. 

Lena nodded distantly. Although Kara believed in her, it didn’t help the fact that Lena knew that she couldn’t get back to her old universe. And even if she could do it… she couldn’t be so selfish as to warp the entire universe just for herself. 

Still trying to cheer her up, Kara waved a plate with a burger under her nose. She lifted the bun to imitate the burger talking, “eat me, Lena! I’m delicious.” 

Despite her sadness, Lena couldn’t help but smile slightly. The feeling of second-hand embarrassment that she always felt when she didn’t appreciate Kara’s dorkiness made her smile awkwardly. The smell of meat helped too. “Alright, alright,” she gave in.

~~~

Lena didn't know how she could live in this new world with a woman she isn’t in love with and a name she hasn’t earned. The internet can’t fill her in on every single thing she did in the past six years, and it was annoying because she spent a lot of her time blinking up at Kara, trying to guess what she was referring to. Along with Kara’s annoying habits (the sleep schedule, the showing up at her office, the fact she only eats junk food, and so on and so on), the fact that every word of gratitude seemed hollow now when she realized it wasn’t really her that they were thanking or admiring, and the sudden feeling of desperately missing her old life and friends, Lena was miserable. The most annoying part of it was that she couldn’t complain or cry in frustration or drink until she forgot or run away because she would let down all those people. 

No, actually, the worst was that Kara could see all that. Lena had worked on perfecting her mask of indifference since she was adopted by the Luthors and the fact that Kara could see beyond that without reading into anything was infuriating and disappointing. Lena was pretty sure that was why Kara was showing up at her office more often, letting her choose what they’ll eat and giving her longer hugs and lingering kisses. And Lena had to endure it. Since Lena still needed to catch up on every scientific discovery made in the last six years before she can start working on something new, and that is something she can do from home, she had no excuse to stay at her office. She figured it would be okay, though, since Kara had her job and Supergirl duty. They might not see each other that much. Maybe it would always be like this until eventually, Kara would file for divorce. 

It wasn’t like that.

Turned out being a journalist meant that Kara got to work from home a lot, writing her articles. Lately in the superhero business, there was a fall in crime that Kara could help with. Kara seemed thrilled by having to spend more time with Lena, and Lena had to fake a smile at Kara’s sunshine beam ( _ did Kara ever fake smiles? _ She wondered and concluded,  _ what could possibly make her fake a smile when she and her life were perfect? _ ).

Lena wasn’t planning anything besides following the schedule in her carefully organized calendar. She spent every day going through the motions and trying to understand what Kara was saying. Until one day…

When Lena woke up, she immediately knew something was different. Her first clue was the fact she was sleeping in. The watch near her bedside read “10:36”, and she was supposed to wake up at 9 in the morning, the time she set her alarm clock to yesterday. Kara had a lot of annoying habits, yes, but Lena knew Kara wouldn’t dare turn her alarm off, it was too far. Her second clue, as she got out of the bedroom in a huff, was that Kara immediately gave her a sympathetic look. As her wife, Kara probably knew Lena hated those looks and she hadn’t given her one of those pitying looks until now. Why now, then? 

“Hey,” Kara approached her only to reassuringly brush her arm, “how are you doing?” 

“Did you turn my alarm off?” Lena asked, deciding to at least give Kara the benefit of the doubt. 

Kara pursed her lips, “yes. I thought it would be good for you to sleep in today.” 

“I have work, Kara.” 

Kara frowned, “no, you don’t… Did you forget what date it is today?” 

That was her third clue. 

Reluctantly, Lena had to pretend to know what Lena was talking about, although she would much rather be at work. “Oh,” Lena faked her realization, “right.” 

“Yeah,” Kara rubbed her arm again, but quickly changed the subject, “so what do you want to do today?” 

Lena walked away from her towards the TV, “watch the news.” 

“Wait, Lena, no-”

“The celebrations of Lex Luthor’s death already begun with the alien-”

Using her super speed, Kara rushed to snatch the remote out of Lena’s hands and turn the TV off. 

Lena was too stunned to be appalled at Kara’s nerves.  _ Lex was dead?  _ It might have seemed weird, but she was so busy with work and catching up with Kara to search up the people in her old life (One time she found herself typing Andrea into google search but once the Google autocomplete filled in with the word Rojas, the phrase already marked in blue, she deleted the search quickly). Her brother was... dead. And people were celebrating it. This was so bizarre to her. She doesn’t know how to compute that information. On the one hand, Lex became a terrorist that had ruined many lives and hurt many people, herself included, and it was reasonable to celebrate a psychopath dying. Like one would celebrate Hitler’s death, for example. But on the other hand… he was her brother. She grew up with him, he took her under her wing, he became her best friend.  _ She  _ couldn’t celebrate his death, even if he deserved it. 

“Lena, are you okay?”

In shock, Lena took a while to bring herself to speak, “I’m alright. Just surprised, I suppose…” 

Kara gave her a reassuring smile paired with a pitying look, “I tried to warn you, but usually, you know not to… I guess, you just forgot.” 

“Yeah, I did,” she chuckled awkwardly, “well, I… can you… can we talk about this?” Lena settled for, curious as to how it happened. 

Kara seemed surprised at her suggestion, “are you sure? I mean, you never wanted to before and well… with everything that was happening lately… I just assumed you were like this because the date was coming up.” 

Lena swallowed, realizing that Kara noticed more than Lena thought. At least Kara had a made-up explanation… That was a sort of comfort. 

“I also thought maybe you were mad at me for some reason,” Kara let out an awkward chuckle, “either way, are you sure you want to talk?” 

Lena cast her eyes downward at Kara’s insecure words and tone, and the fact that she was worried for Lena. She felt ashamed that she planned on getting rid of Kara instead of at least trying what worked for her alternate self. She had to fix this. And she had to make sure Kara didn’t find out she isn’t really her wife. 

She looked up towards Kara. “I’m not mad at you, I swear,” she reassured her and touched Kara’s knee for emphasis. 

Kara looked up at her, gaze soft and shy. Mission accomplished. 

“I was being like this because of my brother,” she explained, “I don’t like this time of year.” 

“Yeah, I know, I’m sorry that I assumed you were mad at me,” Kara apologized. 

Lena smiled at her, trying to be comforting and vulnerable, “it’s okay. I know the way I’ve been acting couldn’t be easy for you… I shouldn’t have been like this, and I want to work things out. And the first step is-” 

“Acceptance?” Kara guessed with a small grin.

“And talking,” Lena confirmed. 

“So, uh,” Kara looked at Lena, trying to figure something out, “so how do we start?” 

...Lena didn’t think this through. Winging it, Lena offered, “why don’t you say what’s on your mind?” 

Kara smirked, probably knowing something Lena doesn’t but should. “Okay,” she said and pulled Lena closer to her, “well, I know that this is painful for you not only because this is the day when you killed your brother but also the day when you lost your trust in me.” 

Wait, what? The whole new information swarmed in Lena’s head and Lena couldn’t let it out through curious questions or surprised facial expressions. She just sat there and listened. 

“Naturally I love to use this day to support you and show to you how much you mean to me, and stay by your side although you insist you’re fine and I should go celebrate like everyone else. I like to remind you on this day that even though today is supposed to symbolize your separation from the Luthor family, it’s also okay to mourn and be sad, and you don’t have to go out to the streets to party. And besides all that… I… I love you so much, Lena, and I don’t want you to be sad. I want you to process this pain through talking and not being miserable, okay? I learned how to do it too, so you can do anything I can. You have to learn to show your emotions. I promise, no one, especially not me, will consider you weak for it.” 

Lena was close to tears. Kara just talked about issues she didn’t even know she had, and she was right. And Kara… loved her. So much that she was willing to support her although she should be happy on the day her family’s mortal enemy died. She understood Lena somehow. Lena didn’t know Kara was capable of understanding her. They seemed so different and Lena didn't think it possible. But she did understand her, even on a personal level, it seemed, and Lena was better for it. In this universe, she was better for it, for sure, and maybe she, not any other version of her, could start to be like that now as well. 

None of that ever happened with Andrea. Sure, her ex cared for her, hugged her when she cried, talked with her for hours about their life and trauma… but it wasn’t like this. Andrea would never talk to her like this. She didn’t voice her understandings like this. Andrea was never one to cross the line of boundaries and unspoken pain.

“I…” Lena stumbled over her words, not knowing what to say. “I’ll start right away,” she settled for.

Kara snorted, “alright, take your time. Now, how do you feel about takeaway, snuggles, and a movie?” 

~~~

Things changed after that. Sure, Lena didn’t immediately fall hopelessly in love with Kara, but she grew to finally see her appeal, and find her presence less of an annoyance and a disturbance. Her annoying habits became less irritating by the second and were even on the verge of endearing at times. Lena wouldn’t go as far as seeking out Kara or asking her to do one of her bits, but she understood the appeal.

It didn’t seem so bad anymore, being married to Kara Danvers. In fact, she didn’t even mind the fact that she was going out with Kara tonight (the 17th was their date night, she was told. It’s the day they got together after all. Lena would have to remember that). She didn’t even mind it when it didn’t go exactly as planned. 

“I could have sworn I booked it for seven!” Kara promised, “I remember calling them and saying seven!” 

“Maybe the restaurant screwed it up,” Lena offered. 

Kara sighed, “maybe… I just really wanted to take you somewhere fancy that you’d love tonight, and this kinda sucks.” 

“I don’t mind,” Lena said, “I had enough of fancy food my whole life. I’m okay with whatever now.” That's another thing; although Lena started to insist that Kara eat more healthy (and Kara reminded her that she wouldn’t have diabetes and it couldn’t kill her, but reluctantly ate a salad anyway), Lena started eating Kara’s junk food, and not all of it was bad. She even enjoyed some of it.

“Well, we can go to Noonan's. I know we eat from there all the time, but it’s something…” 

Lena considered it and then smiled when she said, “I know we haven’t been there for at least a month.” 

“I guess that’s true,” Kara said thoughtfully, “but I get takeaway from there all the time.” 

_ She does?  _ “Not the same as going to eat there,” Lena quickly excused. 

Kara hummed, “suppose so… so we go there?” 

“We go there,” Lena confirmed.

When they got there a hostess ushered them to the table. “Of course, we always have a table for our best customer,” the hostess said, “especially since we thought she was kidnapped by someone who couldn’t resist giving her the food she liked.” 

At the joke, Kara laughed with her whole chest and smiled with her whole face.

“She does have that power over me,” Lena chimed in with her own joke.

The hostess chuckled genuinely at her joke, “thank you for allowing her to come to the restaurant, as well.” 

“She flashed me those puppy eyes, what could I have done?” 

The hostess left with a smile, telling them she’d send a waiter to them soon. 

Kara then looked at Lena who grinned back at her. Lena couldn’t help but return the gesture. She also couldn’t help thinking about Andrea… if it were her and Andrea on a date right now, she wouldn’t be in this substitute restaurant. No, she’d be in the original one, after Andrea would commandingly buy out whoever she deemed worthy of kicking out (probably someone like Kara) and they’d both smile talking about the poor rich people who would have to find a place as fancy as this one. Andrea wouldn’t be friends with the staff (the closest thing to it would be asking for the regular, a token of familiarity) and she would shake her head like Lena was adorable at her joking with the hostess. Their conversation would be different, talking projects and business and their mutual friends. Not conversation about the ridiculous amount of sauce around Andrea’s face that would somehow shift into bickering on politics. Lena couldn’t say which she preferred. But she knew that no matter what it was good to experience both, even if she didn’t appreciate what she’d have with Kara at first.

“Krypton to Lena,” Kara joked waving her hand in front of Lena’s face, “is there something already on my face?” 

Lena snapped out of it, and chuckled at Kara’s dorky jokes, “at least you’re self-aware.”

Kara stuck her tongue out to tease her. 

Kara ordered moments after, enthusiastically talking about all the food she loves and then ordering for Lena as well.  _ Maybe Kara and Andrea aren’t so different after all,  _ Lena thought when Kara ordered for her.

Moments after, though, Kara said, “Hey, did I tell you that Nia found online the original lyric for all the Britney Spears songs?” and somehow Lena found herself in a conversation about popular culture. 

~~~

Lena forgot that Kara wasn’t just Kara. She was also Supergirl. 

It wasn’t as if Lena didn’t know. She knew, of course. From the soft glass-less face smiling at her, reminding her of the Girl of Steel, to the random use of powers, when heating Lena’s soup or super-speeding through cleaning her room, to the notes she would leave Lena when she’s up, up and away, reading “armed robbery, be back in a jiff! :) <3”, it all screamed that Kara was Supergirl. 

But Lena forgot what it entailed. Supergirl’s strength to Kara’s softness, Supergirl’s determination to Kara’s hesitant clumsiness, Supergirl’s… dangers… to Kara’s aura of “safe”. 

“Lena?” Alex Danvers asked and Lena raised her head to look at her. “Come with me,” the agent said and mentioned for her to follow. 

Lena jumped to her feet, “what’s going on? Is she ok?” Lena wouldn’t forgive herself if she isn’t. 

“She’s ok, thanks to everything you did to make sure she will be in this event.” 

Lena nodded like she knew what that meant. 

The reason Lena forgot about Kara being Supergirl was that she was… normal. She was just like any human she knew, filled with fears and mistakes, unlike a superhero. Kara lost her calm, her heart raced and her eyes were averted when someone discussed global warming, just like many people Lena knew. Kara made random pop culture references and binge-watched movies, just like anyone else on Earth since Netflix has been launched. Kara tripped ungracefully, insulted her friends by accident, lost the keys to her apartment, made mistakes no one thought Supergirl would make. Kara looked at her like she understood her on a level no one else could, in a way Lena never thought Supergirl could. Kara was oh so human, so Lena forgot. 

But when Lena thought about it, the fact that Kara was Supergirl, was so evident in all of those. Kara looked away when talking about global warming because it triggered memories of Krypton, and thoughts of how she could lose Earth just as fast as her childhood planet. Kara watched movies and referenced shows because at first, she wanted to fit in, and found she loved the culture of the planet she landed on, and always wanted to learn more about it. Kara made mistakes all the time, even as Supergirl, despite Lena having not witnessed it before, and she made them mostly to protect her cover, her clumsiness a way to avoid suspicion about being Supergirl... And Kara understood Lena in such a deep way because… Kara  _ was _ like her. They were both immigrants, one from a different country and one from a different planet. They were both adopted by a family that they have experienced difficulties with, family dying or alienating them. And once they were both desperate to escape their family’s name, and wanted to help others more than anything. 

Lena just wished she would have remembered all of that when Kara jumped in front of her to protect her from a Kryptonite and was now injured because of it. If Lena would have remembered, she wouldn’t have froze. She would have done something, anything to protect Kara. 

“I should have done more,” Lena told Danvers. 

“Look, I’m with you here, Kara shouldn’t have jumped to protect you,” the agent joked. Lena glared at her. Alex raised her hands in surrender and continued, “as I was saying, you know how she is with her loved ones, she’d do anything to protect them.” 

_ Yeah,  _ Lena agreed, although she wasn’t as close to Kara as Alex to really know. 

“I’m assuming she’s now unconscious. When will she wake up?” Lena asked. 

“About half a day, by past experiences,” Alex said. 

“I guess you’ll be staying here with me, then?” 

Alex smiled, “I’ll take the chair across from you.” 

~~~

“Lena?” 

Lena woke up when she felt a nudge to her shoulder. She saw the lab in front of her, the DEO equipment. Then she snapped her gaze to her left and stared back at ice-blue beautiful eyes. 

Kara beamed at her, “hey.” 

“Hey…” Lena managed to mumble back, voice sore from sleep.

“Alex said hi already. I asked you about you immediately and she said you were ok but exhausted. So I didn’t wake you. But Alex brought food and I thought you might be hungry, so I-”

The rest of Kara’s ramblings faded in her mind. All she could think was the time she and Lena went on a trip abroad to Indonesia at spring break. Andrea brought out Lena’s adventurous side, and so Lena dared Andrea to try climbing a tree. 

“What do I get if I succeed?” Andrea challgened. 

Lena considered. “A kiss,” she concluded, and then challenged in return, “and if you lose?” 

“A kiss as well,” Andrea smirked. 

Andrea fell in the middle of her climb. Her leg was broken and had a deep cut from a rock. Lena had to rush her to the hospital, where they did an operation on Andrea to sew her up. While Lena paced outside the waiting room, she kept blaming herself. 

When Andrea finally accepted visitors, Lena showered her with all the kisses she wanted. 

Lena didn’t know if she could keep up with all the anxiety that came with being Supergirl’s wife. She didn’t know if the pacing in front of waiting rooms was something she would like to take up as a hobby. She didn’t know if she could handle all the guilt that would pile up when she stayed at Kara’s side. 

But she did know this; she has come to care for Kara just as much as she cared for Andrea. Kara saved her, cared for her, loved her… she deserved the kisses just as much as Andrea did. Even if it would be the first time Lena initiated kissing Kara. 

And so Lena leaned down to touch her lips to Kara’s, delighted when the Girl of Steel’s surprised squeak turned to a kiss returned passionately.

~~~

Lena hadn’t realized before how pleasant being touched could feel. Yes, she loved her kisses and embraces from Adrea but with Kara… it was allowed to be so much more intense. She found herself reaching towards Kara in her sleep or on instinct, she found herself kissing as soon as she saw Kara, she found herself melting into Kara’s side as soon Kara sat down next to her. Being near Kara, touching Kara, taking Kara in, it was the feeling of being safe, of being happy, of being loved, of being alive… When Kara wasn’t there, it was Hell, when she was, it was heaven. 

Lena didn’t know if she liked to be that dependent on someone, especially because Kara could slip from her fingers at any moment, but she couldn’t help it she was in-

Lena woke up to the end of that thought. Acting on it, she reached out for the one on her mind but found Kara's side of the bed empty. Instead, she found a note; "A lead on a racist serial killer :( (ง'̀-'́)ง. Back with donuts :D."

Lena smiled at the silly note but despaired once she realized Kara might not be back for a while. Already filled with an ache for her wife, she left her bed, figuring she could kill the time waiting by doing some work. 

When she walked into the living room, she found a white button-up discarded on the floor. Kara must have been in a rush to leave… she picked the shirt up, amused by her wife’s carelessness. She might have been bothered with a stupid shirt about two months ago, instead, now she held the shirt up to her face and inhaled…

Suddenly the only logical thoughts flooding Lena’s senses were about wearing Kara’s shirt. 

~~~

Supergirl landed on their balcony with a whoosh, and Lena stood up immediately upon hearing it, happy to say good morning to her wife at last. 

“Hey, so I brought back donuts, but the box wouldn’t fit the number of disgusting donuts you like, so I gave up some of mine, which I think is an act of true-” Kara’s eyes suddenly became wide as they landed on Lena. 

“Thank you, darling, and good morni-” Lena was stopped from kissing Kara. 

Kara’s eyes snapped from her shirt that Lena was wearing to the spot where she left the shirt on the floor. “Are you wearing my shirt?” 

Lena blushed, “is it a problem?” 

“No, no!” Kara was quick to reassure, also starting to blush, “no, it’s great! I missed it when you did that. But… why now, though?” 

Lena shrugged, “I guess I just thought this was the only replacement for a good morning kiss.” 

“I gave you a good morning kiss!” Kara defended. 

“One that I was conscious for,” Lena replied. 

Kara smiled, “my bad. I’ll make it up to you.” 

~~~

After Kara mentioned how Lena used to wear her shirts, Lena started to wonder how she managed to find out almost everything that happened to her professionally in the last six years, but somehow haven’t even bothered to check her history with Kara. It was probably because before she didn’t want to. But now… for some reason she did. 

She borrowed Kara’s laptop in her attempt to learn about how they evolved and found a folder that reeked of sentimentality. It was called “Lena ♡ (and also me)”. 

When opening the file Lena found hundreds upon hundreds of videos, recordings, and photos. 

The photos contained their selfies and photos throughout the years. The early years with Lena smiling hesitantly (but that was for Lena to know) and Kara beaming genuinely, then Lena rolling her eyes as Kara pulled her in for a selfie and not long after them making silly faces and standing in ridiculous positions, or just smiling and laughing carefree and happy. There was a year gap before the photos resumed but this time Lena and Kara were kissing, flying together, their faces intimately close, and they were holding hands. There were screenshots of chats, hesitant friends offering to hang out, followed by offers that sounded like dates, then strained conversations, to offers Lena  _ knew  _ were dates. 

The recordings were just as interesting. There were mostly interviews but there were some random recordings that seemed to be an accident. The recordings showed her authenticity, from who they were from friends to girlfriends. The interviews showed her the times Lena and Kara just met, how Lena seemed to flirt a little while answering Kara’s questions. The interviews showed her who they were as friends, Lena making Kara laugh, Kara flattering Lena until Lena blushed listening, both seeming comfortable with each other. The interviews showed her more insight about the year Lena and Kara seemed to be spending fighting. There were only three, two of which ended with Kara storming out and one that ended with Kara crying. 

After that, there was another interview but this time Lena was asking the questions. That interview taught her that they were fighting because Kara hid the fact that she was Supergirl from Lena ever since they met. They made up a little before the interview, but Lena still had some questions. Kara was still chuckling (probably at Lena’s suggestion to interview her) when the recording turned on. Through the interview, Lena learned a lot about Kara. Her memories from Krypton, when she started being Supergirl, how she felt about Superman, why Kara was still Supergirl… how much Kara loved Lena. 

There were fewer videos. Only two, in fact, one of which was titled “the embarrassing video from engagement party (Alex, stop changing the title to engayment party!!)”. The videos contained Lena and Kara pining for each other throughout their friendship while their friends took bets on how long it would take them to get together. Every time Lena was touched by the scenes she saw, she would laugh at the Super Friends’ reaction. After that, they were videos of them being “disgusting” together with their friends pretending to throw up in the background. The last video was Kara proposing to Lena, while she kept nodding enthusiastically and their friends kept cat-calling them. The screen faded into black reading “happy for you, dorks.” 

Smiling and laughing, Lena clicked on the other video that read “wedding”. 

The video opened with someone holding a camera with a clearly shaky hand as they filmed Lena walking down the aisle to Kara beaming at her, tears of joy in her eyes. The setting was magical, a field of flowers, the seats, stadium, and the clothing all white. All the guests stood as Lena walked down the aisle. They both wore white dresses. Lena’s dress was simple, backless, short in the front, flowing in the back. It almost looked like she was going to the beach. Kara’s outfit made her look like a queen; the skirt of her dress flowed down to her feet cutting in the middle of her legs so it almost looked like she was wearing a jumper. The straps of her dress lay crossed on her collarbone and her flower crown made of pink and blue flowers made her look like a teenager. She was young, powerful and beautiful. 

The camera followed Lena as she reached the stadium Kara stood on. They joined hands, smiling at each other. J'onn J’onzz, the officiater behind them, bound their hands with a white ribbon and told Kara in Kryptonian (Lena assumed, by the fact it looked like a Kryptonian wedding) to begin her vows. 

“You go first,” Kara nodded towards her. 

Lena nodded and took a deep breath. “I’m no stranger to public speaking. It’s part of the Luthor training after all. I wouldn’t say I’m great at it, considering the number of attempted assassination in my press conferences.” The camera shook with the audience’s laughter. “But I’m certainly great at talking about Kara. How can I not, after all? She’s an amazing, generous, kind soul that I love so dearly. However, somehow, as I sat to write down my vows, I suddenly found myself speechless. Not because I had nothing to write but because I had so much to write about. Since I knew no one would come to this if I read a fifty-page long thesis about why Kara Danvers is incredible, I found myself at a loss. 

Then came the fourth of July, and Kara and I went to see the fireworks. As she looked with utter wonderment at the sight of the colorful lights, I chuckled and said, ‘they’re just colorful flames’. Kara didn’t try to deny it, but said, ‘yes, colorful flames made to astonish us, inspire us, and be a symbol of America’s freedom. Isn’t it amazing?’ And then I realized, that’s all that needs to be said about Kara Danvers. That’s all the reason I love Kara. I just can’t wait until I spend my life with her pointing out the beauty of colorful flames.” 

Through teary gazes, both Lena watching and Kara wiped their eyes from tears, but it was Kara that began speaking. “God, you’re better at public speaking than you think…” the audience chuckled at that. “I need a minute.” Kara took a deep breath and wiped her eyes again. “Okay, okay, I’m back.” She squeezed Lena’s hands. “I’ve made a lot of vows to you over the years. At the beginning of our friendship, I vowed to always stand up for you. I think I’ve managed to accomplish that. Anyone who trash talks you will see an article in CatCo magazine about all the good you’ve done.” Lena smiled with amusement. “When we became closer, I vowed to always be your friend. Which uh, some say is a vow I broke. But even as my girlfriend and almost wife, you’re still my best friend.” Lena started to tear up on the screen. Lena did the same in the present. “When we got together I vowed to never break your heart, which I hope I would never do. My point is, these vows right now… they’re meaningless to me. I don't need to marry you because in my heart I already am your wife. But I know this makes you happy. It makes me happy too. Which is why I vow here to always make you feel happy and loved. For the rest of my life and beyond.” 

Lena started to sob as Kara finished her vows and they were pronounced as wives in Kryptonian, the ribbon fading into their skins. She cried and cried thinking of the fact that she never had that eternal unconditional love, but here Kara was offering it to her as a fact of life. 

“Lena?” present Kara approached her, putting her face near her shoulder, “what’s wrong?” Lena didn’t say anything, so Kara glanced at the computer screen, “oh, I see.” 

“Did you mean-mean it?” Lena mumbled through her tears. 

Kara frowned, “mean what? My vows?” 

Lena nodded. 

“Of course I did! Why wouldn’t I?” Lena tears didn’t stop flowing so Kara gathered her in her arms, holding her close as Lena sobbed to her shoulder, “Lena Luthor, I have always and will always love you. Don’t you ever forget it.” 

Lena nodded into Kara’s shoulder, as the words she had felt for weeks poured out of her, “I love you too, Kara Danvers.” 

~~~

When Lena woke up she wasn’t in Kara’s arms, but there was a trail of tears on her pillow. It took her a while to come to it but when she did she realized it was because she wasn’t comfortable. The sheets didn’t smell like the softness of Kara, there was no warm dent next to her in the bed to keep her safe and it was weird that these were the wrong sheets and pillows and comforter and bed…

She shot up in her bed. It was painfully clear that she wasn’t at her home… She was back at the hotel.

~~~

It was an understatement to say that Lena was heartbroken. When she fell asleep the night before she had something perfect, when she woke she discovered the last time she fell asleep, was really on the day she had just lost everything and had to start over. Lena couldn’t shake that dream out of her head no matter how hard she tried, and so... her heart remained broken. 

That never stopped her from trying to move on (it was a fiction of her subconscious, nothing to move on from anyway) and continue what she was planning for Luthor-Corp. 

“Miss Luthor,” Jess, her still assistant called through her intercom, “there’s a reporter here wanting to speak with you.” 

Lena shut her eyes when she remembered what Kara’s job was, “tell them they can ask all the questions they want in a week, at the press conference where I announce L-Corp.” 

“I-I tried to, but she’s very insistent,” then Jess whispered into the phone, “she almost hit the guards trying to get it.” 

Lena sighed, “well, for your safety, I might consider it… What’s her name?” 

“Kara Danvers, miss.”

Lena inhaled sharply, and for a moment she thought she might pass out. Would the universe be so cruel as to bring to her the wife ripped from her in her dreams? Would the universe be so cruel as to show her that it was only an unrealistic fantasy of love when the girl of her dreams turns her down? Or… is it a gift? Maybe the universe brought her the dream so she wouldn’t reject her soulmate when presented with her? 

Lena logically knew that the most likely possibility was that it was all a coincidence, a deja vu, but for some reason… she dared to hope.

“Miss Luthor? Are you alright? What should I do?” 

Lena cleared her throat, “send her in, please.”

**Author's Note:**

> Black Lives Matter. It feel weird to post and read fics at a time like this, but I must, I'm using it to help others. Hope you enjoyed the fic! Please leave a kudos and comment if you did!
> 
> [Bail funds for protesters.](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Peqd9TCmmqxty8Cco6DKsKX8D5tj9Vb9kREozbYJVXc/mobilebasic)  
> [Youtube playlist through which you can donate passively. Don't skip the ads!!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCgLa25fDHM&list=PLtooIklzheqzORPbQBiEZKsw2T4s6SUxv)  
> [Petitions, donations, phone numbers and emails to contact, etc.](https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/)


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